All Hail to Thee, Miss Mayberry!

A couple of years ago I bought the Complete Andy Griffith Series ... NOT Mayberry RFD. Once Barney left, the show wasn't worth watching, so I think I could have lived with ordering the first three seasons. I didn't remember that when I was sucked in by Amazon's "Free Shipping Ending Soon!" But I digress ... as usual ...

During one episode in the first season, the town is celebrating Mayberry's anniversary. The main event is the Miss Mayberry Competition. The prettiest of the pretty, the smartest of the smart, the most talented of the ... well, anyway, you get the drift, the cream of Mayberry's crop.  The contestants all drove Andy - the Judge - completely insane for weeks with their eye batting and bursting into song whenever they would meet him on the street. In the end, though, amid all the bickering, sobbing women on stage, he crowned the little old lady who helped with the costumes as Miss Mayberry because she was the woman with "true" beauty. He brought her up on stage, hair disheveled, shoulders stooped, her face that of a wizened old crone and put the robe and crown on her. Everyone clapped. Floyd the barber sang the "Hail to Thee, Miss Mayberry" song he had written. Will turned to me when it was over and said "Mama, you're prettier than she is!" A tiny part of me died that day ...

Fast forward a few years ... last weekend Will and I were at the grocery store and outside the doors are the newspaper machines but also FREE local newspaper machines. Will likes to open the doors and get out a newspaper and then look through them to see if anything strikes his fancy. On the way home, he reads me HIS highlights - carnivals, local free movies, library events, iguanas free to good home, anyone in the obituaries whose last name matches ours. This day, however, something more intriguing caught his eye:

Will: Hey, Mama, this lady's name is Mrs. Indiana! And she lives in Indiana ... isn't that funny?!

Mama: "Mrs. Indiana" is a beauty pagent and that lady won. That's why they call her "Mrs. Indiana". She's the "Queen of Indiana".

Will: Oh. A beauty pageant? Why didn't you enter?

Mama: (chuckling) Well, Will, Mama is more of a "worker-bee" than a queen.

Will: Huh-uh...you are WAY prettier than this lady! I think you should enter!

Mama: Unfortunately, she already won, so the competition is over. Anyway, contestants have to wear a bathing suit and ... well, that's just never going to happen.

Will: You look nice in your bathing suit! It's so big and fluffy!

Mama: It's not so much the bathing suit that's big and fluffy, but thanks ... besides, I would have to travel a lot if I was Mrs. Indiana and I would miss you!

Silence from the backseat ...

Will: LIGHT-Buuulllllb! (courtesy Despicable Me) I'll go with you! Can children travel with the queens?

Mama: Um...no, I don't think so. I think that's against the rules. So see? Really, it's way better if I don't even enter. What if I won?! I have to work and who would feed the chickens? And who would snuggle you at night and tell you stories about our farm? No, it's better this way.

Will: I still think you should enter. You would DEFITTLY (his version of "definitely") win. You equals beautiful; this "Mrs. Indiana" (with a sarcastic sneer, curving his fingers into quotation marks, like they do in cheesy '80's movies) equals ug-o-rama.

Mama: Well, I'm glad you think so, that makes Mama's heart happy! We should call me Mrs. Indiana ... at home ... when no one else is around!

Will: OK!!

We got home and unpacked the car. I was putting groceries away when I saw the paper on the kitchen table. Curious to see this "ug-o-rama", I sat at the table & flipped open the paper to find a gorgeous, 26YO, blonde haired, green-eyed, 5'11, 97 pound beauty staring up at me. I started laughing hysterically ... Will came up behind me and peeked over my shoulder.  "I know", he said "can you believe SHE won? You're way prettier than she is!"

I grabbed him and covered him with kisses. I bet Heaven smells like a little boy's sweaty head.